Well, I've definitely learned a lesson this week about
trials. It's really hard to explain but I think what I experienced is exactly
what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland explained in his talk "The Atonement and the
Missionary." This week we had to drop a long-term investigator, were
wandering around Gusing Sur with no one to teach, and were overwhelmed by the
work ahead of us on finding new investigators and reactivating members and
recent converts. But what really hit me was a wave a depression and anxiety --
it felt like a tidal wave that knocked me over. Like a 100-pound weight that
crushed my head every morning and made it hard to even function in the morning.
I couldn't escape it in studies, in sleep. I could barely read. The only thing
I could do was work -- we went out every day -- sometimes more than was
required. It was the only thing that could help me forget some pain. It was
such a painful experience that I felt completely out of control of it. I felt
so alone. I was scared of what was going to happen to me -- I wasn't sure what
I was supposed to do -- why this was
happening to me when I was trying so hard. Why I was feeling like a failure,
not effective, when I was trying to be obedient and serve others. It was
Saturday morning that I was in the most pain. But I amazed myself by what I
told my companion in my moment of anguish -- that I knew that the Savior was
there for me. That I would never give up. That I would always be loyal to my
Savior and my Redeemer.
Sunday came. When I took the bread and the water during the
sacrament, I felt a burden lift from my shoulders -- I felt it. Christ took my
pain. He took it from me. It was one of the most tangible feelings I have ever
had during the sacrament of the Atonement. For this reason I want to bear my
testimony of the Atonement -- that Jesus Christ suffered the pains of every
single one of God's children in the most intimate and individual way that he
knows our pains so perfectly and exquisitely. I was so overwhelmingly happy the
rest of church -- maybe too happy, I just couldn't stop laughing.
After that experience I got to talk to one of the most
amazing missionaries that I know -- Sister Aldred. She is absolutely
incredible, has gone through so much in her life and in her mission, and for
that reason is so in tune with the Spirit and miracles are happening in
Naguilian, as stressful as it is. She has been an incredible source of strength
for me, a true friend, and a confidant. As I explained what happened on Saturday,
she and I realized that we are disciples of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. We
have been called of him to declare His word among His people that they might
have everlasting life. There is no greater calling in this world. But it comes
with a price. Salvation isn't cheap. Satan attacks when he knows that salvation
is coming to the children of men. Paul had a thorn in his flesh. Joseph Smith
was attacked before he had the First Vision. For this reason every disciple of
Jesus Christ must experience pain and anguish too -- their own kind of Gethsemane.
Not anything like Christ -- because he is our God and we are weak mortals. But
every disciple must have trials and opposition. And I realized that maybe I too
must suffer for the work of Christ.
And miracles are happening in Naguilian. We have had Brother
Mendoza come into the church on his own because of the Book of Mormon project
and he is getting baptized on December 23rd. He is being taught by the other
sisters. Brother Zaldy is ready to be baptized this Saturday -- taught by the
sisters. We have seen the boyfriend of Sister Julia Baybay become converted by
going to the devotional and now is being taught to be baptized December 23rd.
And we have seen the change of a man named Brother Nuevo because of the Book of
Mormon. We have had such powerful lessons with him and he has felt the Spirit
strongly at church and especially by reading the Book of Mormon that he can't
stop reading it. He is always reading it always and is finding strength from
Jesus Christ to stop his old bad habits. He is feeling the weight-lifting
feeling of repentance and change in his life. His countenance is changing. His
repentance has led him to a desire to be baptized even though he doesn't know
all things. He is preparing now to be baptized. We feel such a privilege to
teach him.
It was incredible to receive a call from President that
Brother Abat is being baptized. The whole family that I love with all my heart
in Lingsat. Another step towards being an eternal family.
Brother Wally is the best recent convert ever. He is
changing so much. He came to church with slacks, a polo, shoes, and a tie. He's
never done that in his life. He is taking having the Priesthood so seriously
that he was offered a calling this week and I think he will be sustained in the
next couple of weeks. And the members want him to be the one to baptize Brother
Zaldy on Saturday -- we are going to ask him tonight or tomorrow. I yelled and
jumped up and down I was so excited. I know Brother Wally is going to be super
nervous -- but he is worthy and one of the best kids I have ever met. Everyone
knows him as such a sweet and wonderful young man. I'm so excited for his
future.
So although it is hard sometimes to know where to go, who to
teach, and to experience pain and suffering. Even though we aren't perfect
missionaries and make mistakes, even though I know my efforts were not much --
God magnified them and miracles do happen.
I loved going to the Aringay Polynesian devotional on
Friday. It was so exciting and we loved it. It made me wish I could sing or
dance or had talents like that, but I am going to trust my Heavenly Father and
hope that He will help me in the language and other talents in my future. I've
had to sacrifice ALL of my old desires, talents, appearance, and other things
for this work. And this work is changing me to want to serve others and think
of others first always, that when we are called as disciples of Jesus Christ,
he called us to leave our nets and become like Him forever. There are so many
things I want to learn -- about everything -- and I hope that someday I can
learn these things. I sometimes have to cling on to the hope that I have that
potential and He will help me reach it -- as a child of God -- and that I have
enormous potential -- instead of falling into fears of hopelessness or
worthlessness.
I know that I'm not a perfect missionary -- but I haven't
been defeated and I know that Christ will sustain me and never ever let me be
defeated. I've learned that from my family and other amazing missionaries and
investigators. I've seen the effects of the Atonement in the lives of others
and myself. There are more hard times ahead, but I have to trust that things
will work out according to the One who knows all things and has a perfect plan
for us. What a blessing in my life to share this hope with others who have
none.
Sister Porter
The Atonement and the Missionary
Anyone who does any kind of missionary work will have
occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why
aren’t there more people joining the Church? Why isn’t the only risk in
missionary work that of pneumonia from being soaking wet all day and all night
in the baptismal font?
I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my
personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because
salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The
Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head.
How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for
Him? It seems to me that missionaries and mission leaders have to spend at
least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to
take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary.
Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about
anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and
sacrilegious. But I believe that missionaries and investigators, to come to the
truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been
paid, will have to pay a token of that same price.
For that reason I don’t believe missionary work has ever
been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued
faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something
from the depths of our soul.
If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on
His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can
pass, let it pass,” 11 then little wonder that salvation is not an easy thing
for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are
not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a
long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way.
When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit
upon and cast out, you are standing with the best life this world has ever
known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived. You have reason to stand tall
and be grateful that the Living Son of the Living God knows all about your
sorrows and afflictions. The only way to salvation is through Gethsemane and on
to Calvary. The only way to eternity is through Him—the Way, the Truth, and the
Life.
I testify that the living God is our Eternal Father and that
Jesus Christ is His living and Only Begotten Son in the flesh. I testify that
this Jesus, who was slain and hanged on a tree, 12 lives. The whole triumph of
the gospel is that He lives, and because He does, so will we.
On that first Resurrection Sunday, Mary Magdalene first
thought she saw a gardener. Well, she did—the Gardener who cultivated Eden and
who endured Gethsemane. The Gardener who gave us the tree of life.
I declare Him to be the Savior of the world. I know that we
are lifted up unto life because He was lifted up unto death. I bear witness
that He was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities, that
He was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief because upon Him were laid the
transgressions of us all. 13
I bear witness that He came from God as a God to bind up the
brokenhearted, to dry the tears from every eye, to proclaim liberty to the
captive and open the prison doors to them that are bound. 14 I promise that
because of your faithful response to the call to spread the gospel, He will
bind up your broken hearts, dry your tears, and set you and your families free.
That is my missionary promise to you and your missionary message to the world.
October 2001 Liahona
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